.
.
A little TMI for you
1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
In a bed!
2. How often do you lie?
I lie down every night to go to bed...don't you?
3. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
What, I'm not both right now? I'd always go for smart, you can make fake pretty, but fake smart is quite a trick.
4. Have you ever passed out or suffered memory loss from drinking too much?
D'whaat was the question?
Actually, no. I remember only too well.
5. Top or bottom?
I have not topped anyone in over 19 years. Incidentally, I've known J for 19+ years...humnnn.
Bonus: Do you have any catalogs for toys/videos/lingere delivered to your home?
I don't *have* them delivered...but things do arrive, just like SPAM in my inbox.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Cute
.
.
Now that we all managed to survive 12:34:56 on 07/08/09 about as well as we did when my friend Lisa Lizardi celebrated her birthday on 7/7/77...we can move on, right?
Am taking care of some furry ones who are just loves. How can you be upset with these:
Milo pretending to be butch:
Oscar pretending he's not growling at me:
A little sunset out the front door, I understand why the guys live here:
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
.
Now that we all managed to survive 12:34:56 on 07/08/09 about as well as we did when my friend Lisa Lizardi celebrated her birthday on 7/7/77...we can move on, right?
Am taking care of some furry ones who are just loves. How can you be upset with these:
Milo pretending to be butch:
Oscar pretending he's not growling at me:
A little sunset out the front door, I understand why the guys live here:
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Two Lights
.
.
As I lit a candle last night, right beside one I lit the night before, I remembered two pint sized women who were integral to my life.
The first was for M a woman who helped me through some tough times in my life. She was a small woman, but would lock on and not let go until she got what she wanted. She had not felt well for some time before she died, but the tough woman she was, she motored on through things. Apparently, seven years ago on the 4th, she felt ill enough they took her to the hospital and by that evening, she was dead. Pancreatic cancer. She had been a smoker many, many, many moons before, and it caught up with her. The one thing I remember from her funeral was her sister stating "Dying was not in her DayRunner, so this HAS to be a mistake, because nothing happened that was not in her DayPlanner!". It was true, as long as she had it listed, M did it. We checked and checked, and could not find "go to hospital and die" on any day on her calendar. I miss M, the tenacity, the way she rolled her r's, the way she always wanted to know what kind of food that appeared in my dreams, or how she rarely, if ever swore, but certainly had some choice words for my father that would make a sailor blush. I wish she had been here to see things, to talk me through these last three years of struggles and triumphs, to see J & I get married and married again and soon celebrate 18 years together. What I do know is that she is still running around with me every day, a friend I will never forget. A part of her will always be with me.
The second candle was for my Grandma. Four years ago she took leave of us after 99 years of living. To this day I STILL believe that she heard of Grammie's passing in early June and said "ok, well, I've outlived her, I can go now!". She "won" the best grandmother "contest" by living longer. I laugh, but you know, once you make it to 99, something like that can move you to live a little longer or finally have permission to go. I miss her laughter. I miss her matter-of-fact attitude of "I'm older than everyone, shush!". I keep her alive in me as well---finding her words coming from my mouth sometimes---and I smile. I wish she could have seen any of our weddings as well. When I came out to her all she cared about was who wore the pants in the family---i.e. who controlled the money. Not anything to worry about my orientation. I miss that honesty and love.
With both women, I heard of their deaths on July 6, years apart. They are connected, with me, and continue to live on in me. I hope they are proud of that fact.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me.
.
As I lit a candle last night, right beside one I lit the night before, I remembered two pint sized women who were integral to my life.
The first was for M a woman who helped me through some tough times in my life. She was a small woman, but would lock on and not let go until she got what she wanted. She had not felt well for some time before she died, but the tough woman she was, she motored on through things. Apparently, seven years ago on the 4th, she felt ill enough they took her to the hospital and by that evening, she was dead. Pancreatic cancer. She had been a smoker many, many, many moons before, and it caught up with her. The one thing I remember from her funeral was her sister stating "Dying was not in her DayRunner, so this HAS to be a mistake, because nothing happened that was not in her DayPlanner!". It was true, as long as she had it listed, M did it. We checked and checked, and could not find "go to hospital and die" on any day on her calendar. I miss M, the tenacity, the way she rolled her r's, the way she always wanted to know what kind of food that appeared in my dreams, or how she rarely, if ever swore, but certainly had some choice words for my father that would make a sailor blush. I wish she had been here to see things, to talk me through these last three years of struggles and triumphs, to see J & I get married and married again and soon celebrate 18 years together. What I do know is that she is still running around with me every day, a friend I will never forget. A part of her will always be with me.
The second candle was for my Grandma. Four years ago she took leave of us after 99 years of living. To this day I STILL believe that she heard of Grammie's passing in early June and said "ok, well, I've outlived her, I can go now!". She "won" the best grandmother "contest" by living longer. I laugh, but you know, once you make it to 99, something like that can move you to live a little longer or finally have permission to go. I miss her laughter. I miss her matter-of-fact attitude of "I'm older than everyone, shush!". I keep her alive in me as well---finding her words coming from my mouth sometimes---and I smile. I wish she could have seen any of our weddings as well. When I came out to her all she cared about was who wore the pants in the family---i.e. who controlled the money. Not anything to worry about my orientation. I miss that honesty and love.
With both women, I heard of their deaths on July 6, years apart. They are connected, with me, and continue to live on in me. I hope they are proud of that fact.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
IT'S A BOY!
.
.
A big Mazel Tov to new proud parent friends of ours!
Nicholas Russell was finally born, 7lbs, 1 oz.
Mom, baby and Daddy are doing well.
Bentley, the 4 legged older "brother" is happy to hear the news---lots of wags!
May Nicholas Russell learn and grow to be everything the grandfather he was named after was while he was still on this earth and then some.
I just LOVE having GOOD news to report!
.
.
.
A big Mazel Tov to new proud parent friends of ours!
Nicholas Russell was finally born, 7lbs, 1 oz.
Mom, baby and Daddy are doing well.
Bentley, the 4 legged older "brother" is happy to hear the news---lots of wags!
May Nicholas Russell learn and grow to be everything the grandfather he was named after was while he was still on this earth and then some.
I just LOVE having GOOD news to report!
.
.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Threes
.
.
Things do come in threes.
Last week, Ed McMahon died and in the same breath, the announcer mentioned that Walter Cronkite was gravely ill. My heart skipped a beat. I met Ed years ago, he was pretty full of himself, but he was playing the part of celebrity, so it did not surprise me much he was kinda of pompous. Other friends have said he was a genuinely nice guy . "Uncle Walty" has a place in my heart, from re-running the Kennedy assassination tapes and his wiping of his eyes, to the film he did with my mother. I said some prayers in hopes he would not be in pain. I assumed that the rounding of the third celebrity would be someone else in the elder category as well.
Then yesterday hit.
I was coming back from a client meet when I heard the news about Farrah. We knew she had been ill, it was probably a blessing. I met Farrah too---but yeaaars ago. She was arm candy for Lee at the time and I was a bit turned off by the blonde moments, but she didn't take a lot of crap and actually had some intelligent things to say. I REALLY dislike helpless women---"oh, I just DON'T know HOW to make this work (insert batting eyelashes)!". Farrah, despite the T&A image, was not like that. She played a lot of tough roles and I think taught girls they could be anything and do anything, even if the image was the thing that got you in the door. Play all the angles. I fretted as a kid, wanting my hair to do the Farrah Flip...never did, still won't. I think I'll leave that to her photos.
Later in the day we had a few things to do. We stopped to get fuel at Costco (omg $2.64, as opposed to $3 most retail places!). We had heard some rumblings that MJ had been taken to UCLA, non-responsive. I think I knew then what the answer was, but I sort of blocked it out. As I opened the door to the car as we were fueling up, an announcer confirmed his death. I remembered the time I met MJ, sort of. We had a moment. He was in a mob at a function. Quiet, not really making eye contact. He did lock eyes with me at one point in the handful of people standing in the small room. I smiled at him gently from a foot or two away and he seemed to understand I didn't want anything of him and he was appreciative and gently smiled back. MJ's music was a big part of my youth. I could never moonwalk, despite my many attempts, but his music was in my library and I faithfully watched MTV for the videos. I never thought of him as a superstar---he was a guy, who made some amazing music that will continue to live on and he left us way too soon.
I hope all three folks can be at peace now. I hope that Uncle Walty is as ok as he can be and that whatever the rest of his life is, he is not in pain. Things do come in threes and I really dislike waiting for that third shoe to drop. I just thought it might take a little longer for it to get here!
May all their memories be for a blessing.
.
.
.
Things do come in threes.
Last week, Ed McMahon died and in the same breath, the announcer mentioned that Walter Cronkite was gravely ill. My heart skipped a beat. I met Ed years ago, he was pretty full of himself, but he was playing the part of celebrity, so it did not surprise me much he was kinda of pompous. Other friends have said he was a genuinely nice guy . "Uncle Walty" has a place in my heart, from re-running the Kennedy assassination tapes and his wiping of his eyes, to the film he did with my mother. I said some prayers in hopes he would not be in pain. I assumed that the rounding of the third celebrity would be someone else in the elder category as well.
Then yesterday hit.
I was coming back from a client meet when I heard the news about Farrah. We knew she had been ill, it was probably a blessing. I met Farrah too---but yeaaars ago. She was arm candy for Lee at the time and I was a bit turned off by the blonde moments, but she didn't take a lot of crap and actually had some intelligent things to say. I REALLY dislike helpless women---"oh, I just DON'T know HOW to make this work (insert batting eyelashes)!". Farrah, despite the T&A image, was not like that. She played a lot of tough roles and I think taught girls they could be anything and do anything, even if the image was the thing that got you in the door. Play all the angles. I fretted as a kid, wanting my hair to do the Farrah Flip...never did, still won't. I think I'll leave that to her photos.
Later in the day we had a few things to do. We stopped to get fuel at Costco (omg $2.64, as opposed to $3 most retail places!). We had heard some rumblings that MJ had been taken to UCLA, non-responsive. I think I knew then what the answer was, but I sort of blocked it out. As I opened the door to the car as we were fueling up, an announcer confirmed his death. I remembered the time I met MJ, sort of. We had a moment. He was in a mob at a function. Quiet, not really making eye contact. He did lock eyes with me at one point in the handful of people standing in the small room. I smiled at him gently from a foot or two away and he seemed to understand I didn't want anything of him and he was appreciative and gently smiled back. MJ's music was a big part of my youth. I could never moonwalk, despite my many attempts, but his music was in my library and I faithfully watched MTV for the videos. I never thought of him as a superstar---he was a guy, who made some amazing music that will continue to live on and he left us way too soon.
I hope all three folks can be at peace now. I hope that Uncle Walty is as ok as he can be and that whatever the rest of his life is, he is not in pain. Things do come in threes and I really dislike waiting for that third shoe to drop. I just thought it might take a little longer for it to get here!
May all their memories be for a blessing.
.
.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wise Words
.
.
It is not very often I use words from others here in this space, but today when I opened up the paper I read an article I just knew I needed to share with the blogosphere.
Paul has been a leader in this community for as long as I can remember and I am glad he has stepped up to the plate again to help the community as a whole by accepting the job as interim director of the DeFrank Center. Despite the advances in the last 30 years, Prop 8 is a perfect example of why there is still work to be done and why the DeFrank Center is still a very necessary part of the entire community--straight, gay, lesbian, trans, bi, questioning, inter or any other person in the area in need of a safe place to be. Yes I said straight---y'all are welcome there too---there are just more places it is easier to be straight than it is for the rest. Which is why the DeFrank is so important to ALL.
---
Opinion: Silicon Valley still needs a gay-lesbian community center
By Paul Wysocki
Special to the Mercury News
Does Silicon Valley need a gay community center? Given the challenges we face in raising funds to support our work, it appears to be an open question.
In 1979, Santa Clara County and the city of San Jose enacted nondiscrimination laws protecting homosexuals in the areas of employment and housing. Immediately, a group of citizens organized a petition drive, two ballot measures were proposed, and the voters overturned the laws.
Hurt, angry and disappointed that voters would treat us as second-class citizens, a band of hearty activists mobilized to create a safe space to call our own. In 1981, the Billy DeFrank Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) Community Center was born.
Now it's 2009. So what's different? We've seen "Will and Grace," "The 'L' Word," "Queer as Folk," even "American Idol," for crying out loud, on TV. We've been through the endless arguments about "don't ask, don't tell" in the military, and the federal "Defense" of Marriage Act. Talk shows and reality TV have portrayed us in so many ways that people think they know fully who we are. But do they?
Many of my well-intentioned straight friends think we've now been sufficiently integrated into mainstream society, especially here in the Bay Area. "What's the point of a gay community center when you all seem so comfortable?" they seem to say. And, frankly, this perception has hampered our ability to garner financial support, which has led to a financial crisis threatening our survival.
But then I think about the 18-year-old high school jock who's terrified that someone he knows will see him coming to the center for counseling to deal with his feelings about his sexual orientation. Would he feel safe talking to his school counselor, or his parents?
I think about the 75-year-old woman whose life partner of 45 years just died, and who needs a place where she can grieve openly with supportive friends. She also attends a local senior center but wouldn't dream of opening herself to people there.
I think about the Chinese family seeking treatment options for their gay, HIV-positive son. They wouldn't dare consult a government agency, or even an agency that serves Asian-Americans, for fear of retribution and of losing face.
But what about the 30-, 40- and 50-somethings who work in high-tech companies, drive new cars, own good homes and barbecue in their backyards? Well, go back and read the first lines of this story. Substitute 2008 for 1979. Change anti-discrimination laws to marriage equality laws. Leave in the part about voters treating us as second-class citizens.
One of the things I tell my straight friends is that it's easy to be philosophical about the ocean when the water is gently lapping at your ankles. When the waves are crashing into your house and knocking you over, however, there's not much time, energy or focus to consider the wonders of nature.
So how much have things changed, really? Progress has been made, to be sure. But, for now, it appears that the need for the Billy DeFrank center still exists.
Of course, like all other nonprofits these days, we're struggling mightily. We've laid off staff, cut expenses to the bone and are engaged in a comprehensive restructuring plan to continue our services following recent devastating cutbacks in government funding for programs that serve our citizens.
We will survive with help — and money — from the community during these difficult times. But only if people understand the need we continue to fill.
PAUL WYSOCKI is interim executive director of the Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center (www.defrank.org). He wrote this article for the Mercury News.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me
.
.
.
It is not very often I use words from others here in this space, but today when I opened up the paper I read an article I just knew I needed to share with the blogosphere.
Paul has been a leader in this community for as long as I can remember and I am glad he has stepped up to the plate again to help the community as a whole by accepting the job as interim director of the DeFrank Center. Despite the advances in the last 30 years, Prop 8 is a perfect example of why there is still work to be done and why the DeFrank Center is still a very necessary part of the entire community--straight, gay, lesbian, trans, bi, questioning, inter or any other person in the area in need of a safe place to be. Yes I said straight---y'all are welcome there too---there are just more places it is easier to be straight than it is for the rest. Which is why the DeFrank is so important to ALL.
---
Opinion: Silicon Valley still needs a gay-lesbian community center
By Paul Wysocki
Special to the Mercury News
Does Silicon Valley need a gay community center? Given the challenges we face in raising funds to support our work, it appears to be an open question.
In 1979, Santa Clara County and the city of San Jose enacted nondiscrimination laws protecting homosexuals in the areas of employment and housing. Immediately, a group of citizens organized a petition drive, two ballot measures were proposed, and the voters overturned the laws.
Hurt, angry and disappointed that voters would treat us as second-class citizens, a band of hearty activists mobilized to create a safe space to call our own. In 1981, the Billy DeFrank Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) Community Center was born.
Now it's 2009. So what's different? We've seen "Will and Grace," "The 'L' Word," "Queer as Folk," even "American Idol," for crying out loud, on TV. We've been through the endless arguments about "don't ask, don't tell" in the military, and the federal "Defense" of Marriage Act. Talk shows and reality TV have portrayed us in so many ways that people think they know fully who we are. But do they?
Many of my well-intentioned straight friends think we've now been sufficiently integrated into mainstream society, especially here in the Bay Area. "What's the point of a gay community center when you all seem so comfortable?" they seem to say. And, frankly, this perception has hampered our ability to garner financial support, which has led to a financial crisis threatening our survival.
But then I think about the 18-year-old high school jock who's terrified that someone he knows will see him coming to the center for counseling to deal with his feelings about his sexual orientation. Would he feel safe talking to his school counselor, or his parents?
I think about the 75-year-old woman whose life partner of 45 years just died, and who needs a place where she can grieve openly with supportive friends. She also attends a local senior center but wouldn't dream of opening herself to people there.
I think about the Chinese family seeking treatment options for their gay, HIV-positive son. They wouldn't dare consult a government agency, or even an agency that serves Asian-Americans, for fear of retribution and of losing face.
But what about the 30-, 40- and 50-somethings who work in high-tech companies, drive new cars, own good homes and barbecue in their backyards? Well, go back and read the first lines of this story. Substitute 2008 for 1979. Change anti-discrimination laws to marriage equality laws. Leave in the part about voters treating us as second-class citizens.
One of the things I tell my straight friends is that it's easy to be philosophical about the ocean when the water is gently lapping at your ankles. When the waves are crashing into your house and knocking you over, however, there's not much time, energy or focus to consider the wonders of nature.
So how much have things changed, really? Progress has been made, to be sure. But, for now, it appears that the need for the Billy DeFrank center still exists.
Of course, like all other nonprofits these days, we're struggling mightily. We've laid off staff, cut expenses to the bone and are engaged in a comprehensive restructuring plan to continue our services following recent devastating cutbacks in government funding for programs that serve our citizens.
We will survive with help — and money — from the community during these difficult times. But only if people understand the need we continue to fill.
PAUL WYSOCKI is interim executive director of the Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center (www.defrank.org). He wrote this article for the Mercury News.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me
.
.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday Monday...how hot can it get?
.
.
For those who know what I'm talking about, we're at 35 days and I'm done. Halle-frikkin-luya!
Since I've been too busy to post much of anything of late taking care of Bailey, the mourning pup, I'm offering a meme someone sent me today---which seems to be a mixture of a few things.
Do you usually wear perfume/cologne? If so, what's your current favorite?
is and has been for a while, Stetson, unless it is on my wife and then I have other options.
What's the last book you've read that you thought was really good? If you don't have one, what looks promising on your to-be-read list?
My Sister's Keeper...bring tissues!
Fill in the blank: I wouldn't be caught dead _________.
oooh, SOOO many choices....in a dress unless it involved Purim or Pride; or having anything to do with the GOP (I've recovered from my upbringing, thankyouverymuch)
What is the last song that was stuck in your head and how did you get rid of it?
This is Me You're Talking To---Trisha Yearwood; went to choir and slogged through a Kiddush that choir ROCKED on Friday night...damn, we are good!
If you had to say what one thing in your life best represents your freedom, what would it be?
my camera
If you were invited to the White House for dinner tonight, what would you wear from your current wardrobe?
I'd have to beg the cleaners to give me my suit that isn't due to be ready until Wednesday evening, or find my tux in storage.
Ever been married?
Yup, several times to the same gal!
Ever been divorced? been remarried?
Nope, almost widowed.
Ever had sex at a wedding reception?
uh, no.
Ever had sex with someone you first met at a wedding or wedding reception?
no.
Ever given a a toast to the bride and groom?
yes.
Ever had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
yes---older
Ever drawn from a nude model or been a nude model?
yes on both accounts
Ever had sex at a company Christmas party?
no.
Ever had a blind date?
Gawd yes.
Ever slept with a teacher?
well not one of MY teachers, but WAS a teacher
Ever had sex with someone within an hour of meeting them?
No
Before the industrial revolution, most people never traveled more than 30 miles from their home. How far from your birth place do you now live?
Give or take 345 miles.
What is the farthest distance from home you have you have ever had sex or an orgasm? What is there farthest distance you have traveled from your home to have a sexual encounter?
approximately 6000 miles, give or take a few kilometers.
How many states (or Canadian provinces or your country's geopolitical division) and counties have you had sex and/or an orgasms in?
California is a BIG state...on the East Coast it would be considered several states. 7 territories if you don't count CA as more than 1 area.
Have you ever had sex in a vehicle? While the vehicle was moving?
Yes and yes. ;-)
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
For those who know what I'm talking about, we're at 35 days and I'm done. Halle-frikkin-luya!
Since I've been too busy to post much of anything of late taking care of Bailey, the mourning pup, I'm offering a meme someone sent me today---which seems to be a mixture of a few things.
Do you usually wear perfume/cologne? If so, what's your current favorite?
is and has been for a while, Stetson, unless it is on my wife and then I have other options.
What's the last book you've read that you thought was really good? If you don't have one, what looks promising on your to-be-read list?
My Sister's Keeper...bring tissues!
Fill in the blank: I wouldn't be caught dead _________.
oooh, SOOO many choices....in a dress unless it involved Purim or Pride; or having anything to do with the GOP (I've recovered from my upbringing, thankyouverymuch)
What is the last song that was stuck in your head and how did you get rid of it?
This is Me You're Talking To---Trisha Yearwood; went to choir and slogged through a Kiddush that choir ROCKED on Friday night...damn, we are good!
If you had to say what one thing in your life best represents your freedom, what would it be?
my camera
If you were invited to the White House for dinner tonight, what would you wear from your current wardrobe?
I'd have to beg the cleaners to give me my suit that isn't due to be ready until Wednesday evening, or find my tux in storage.
Ever been married?
Yup, several times to the same gal!
Ever been divorced? been remarried?
Nope, almost widowed.
Ever had sex at a wedding reception?
uh, no.
Ever had sex with someone you first met at a wedding or wedding reception?
no.
Ever given a a toast to the bride and groom?
yes.
Ever had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
yes---older
Ever drawn from a nude model or been a nude model?
yes on both accounts
Ever had sex at a company Christmas party?
no.
Ever had a blind date?
Gawd yes.
Ever slept with a teacher?
well not one of MY teachers, but WAS a teacher
Ever had sex with someone within an hour of meeting them?
No
Before the industrial revolution, most people never traveled more than 30 miles from their home. How far from your birth place do you now live?
Give or take 345 miles.
What is the farthest distance from home you have you have ever had sex or an orgasm? What is there farthest distance you have traveled from your home to have a sexual encounter?
approximately 6000 miles, give or take a few kilometers.
How many states (or Canadian provinces or your country's geopolitical division) and counties have you had sex and/or an orgasms in?
California is a BIG state...on the East Coast it would be considered several states. 7 territories if you don't count CA as more than 1 area.
Have you ever had sex in a vehicle? While the vehicle was moving?
Yes and yes. ;-)
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Surprise Me Again
.
.
Okay. I'm thinking maybe it is time to take away my lesbian card from me.
First Kelly McGillis.
Now Chaz Bono?
Both times I had to have straight folks tell me about it.
wth?
Chaz and I have a history. No, not THAT kind of history. Sheesh. When I was a young'n, I was allowed to stay up late to watch Sonny & Cher, because, Chastity might be on the show that night and it was good, wholesome entertainment.
Oh, if my parents only KNEW then what would happen along the way!
Chaz is 6+ months younger than I am, so we had something in common.
The absolutely hilarious thing is that my mother used to prod me to "be more like Chastity" who often wore pretty dresses on the show.
LOL!
When Chastity came out, I wished my mother had still been alive so I could ask her if maybe Chastity were following ME finally? Alas, I never got the chance to ask Mom.
I suspect I know what the conversation with my mother would be like today. Once she picked up her feet, she'd go on and on about what a LOVELY young woman Chastity had been and "what happened?!". To which I would tell my mother that a) she certainly was sounding like HER mother and b) Chaz has a right to be happy---this is what works for him, and that's cool for him. My mother would continue by telling me she was "fine" with it, but all the while kvetching about how "pretty" Chastity was as a young girl, just like me. Yeah, okay Mom...riight!
The conversation with my father would find me spending my time defending myself and explaining I'm a woman, a lesbian and at this moment I can tell you I have every intention of staying a woman. Dad has never been good at those touchy subjects and jumps to a lot of right-wing assumptions. He STILL thinks I slept with my high school best friend because I'm a lesbian now and she was a girl, I was a girl and that's just what happens, right? We were friends, that's it. Same thing with this. I like wearing comfy clothes, sometimes a suit and tie or wing-tips. That's who I am, that's what makes me comfy. I really dislike people putting labels or shoving people into pre-defined boxes. Doesn't mean I feel I am the wrong gender.
We have a number of friends who have gone through their transition, some are along their way, some have yet to start the journey. It is a tough journey. Only an exhusband of a friend who was using his gender dysphoria against his ex-wife and child---he is the only one I refuse to support---he's just nutz and an asshat---which has nothing to do with his gender issues. Anyway---after walking with a co-worker through her journey to womanhood, I had some realizations about my own coming out process. I grew up thinking I was attracted to the 'wrong" gender. Trans folks often grew up feeling like they WERE the "wrong" gender. I feel it is a LOT easier to pretend to like someone of a different gender than you already do---pretending to be a different gender is a big shift and takes a LOT more energy to hide.
At one point, a friend was surprised I so easily accepted their spouse in their newly accepted gender. For me, it is easy. Each person ought to be what they feel they are
in terms of gender, love and life. Why should anyone else have an issue with that? Love should be the rule, not the exception.
I wish Chaz the best. I hope his transition is easy for him, because, I suspect, life has not been easy hiding this inside of him.
I just wish I'd stop learning about such things in this community from our straight friends. I mean, I'm glad our friends are so well educated, but---can't I know some of it first? ;-) Oh well!
And yes, I had another major nose bleed last night. Platelets and other meds and a major headache later---and I'm ready for a nap. And the beat goes on!
I have melanoma, it does not have me.
.
.
.
Okay. I'm thinking maybe it is time to take away my lesbian card from me.
First Kelly McGillis.
Now Chaz Bono?
Both times I had to have straight folks tell me about it.
wth?
Chaz and I have a history. No, not THAT kind of history. Sheesh. When I was a young'n, I was allowed to stay up late to watch Sonny & Cher, because, Chastity might be on the show that night and it was good, wholesome entertainment.
Oh, if my parents only KNEW then what would happen along the way!
Chaz is 6+ months younger than I am, so we had something in common.
The absolutely hilarious thing is that my mother used to prod me to "be more like Chastity" who often wore pretty dresses on the show.
LOL!
When Chastity came out, I wished my mother had still been alive so I could ask her if maybe Chastity were following ME finally? Alas, I never got the chance to ask Mom.
I suspect I know what the conversation with my mother would be like today. Once she picked up her feet, she'd go on and on about what a LOVELY young woman Chastity had been and "what happened?!". To which I would tell my mother that a) she certainly was sounding like HER mother and b) Chaz has a right to be happy---this is what works for him, and that's cool for him. My mother would continue by telling me she was "fine" with it, but all the while kvetching about how "pretty" Chastity was as a young girl, just like me. Yeah, okay Mom...riight!
The conversation with my father would find me spending my time defending myself and explaining I'm a woman, a lesbian and at this moment I can tell you I have every intention of staying a woman. Dad has never been good at those touchy subjects and jumps to a lot of right-wing assumptions. He STILL thinks I slept with my high school best friend because I'm a lesbian now and she was a girl, I was a girl and that's just what happens, right? We were friends, that's it. Same thing with this. I like wearing comfy clothes, sometimes a suit and tie or wing-tips. That's who I am, that's what makes me comfy. I really dislike people putting labels or shoving people into pre-defined boxes. Doesn't mean I feel I am the wrong gender.
We have a number of friends who have gone through their transition, some are along their way, some have yet to start the journey. It is a tough journey. Only an exhusband of a friend who was using his gender dysphoria against his ex-wife and child---he is the only one I refuse to support---he's just nutz and an asshat---which has nothing to do with his gender issues. Anyway---after walking with a co-worker through her journey to womanhood, I had some realizations about my own coming out process. I grew up thinking I was attracted to the 'wrong" gender. Trans folks often grew up feeling like they WERE the "wrong" gender. I feel it is a LOT easier to pretend to like someone of a different gender than you already do---pretending to be a different gender is a big shift and takes a LOT more energy to hide.
At one point, a friend was surprised I so easily accepted their spouse in their newly accepted gender. For me, it is easy. Each person ought to be what they feel they are
in terms of gender, love and life. Why should anyone else have an issue with that? Love should be the rule, not the exception.
I wish Chaz the best. I hope his transition is easy for him, because, I suspect, life has not been easy hiding this inside of him.
I just wish I'd stop learning about such things in this community from our straight friends. I mean, I'm glad our friends are so well educated, but---can't I know some of it first? ;-) Oh well!
And yes, I had another major nose bleed last night. Platelets and other meds and a major headache later---and I'm ready for a nap. And the beat goes on!
I have melanoma, it does not have me.
.
.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Things, Here, There, Everywhere
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.
100 things...as if I've not answered most of these before, but, what the heck. I don't really want to post about the hatred that happened at the Holocaust Museum in DC this morning. I have some medical stuff to post about, but am not up to really sharing about that. So, my inbox provides the fodder for this evening.
100 Things, give or take...
1. Last Beverage → water.
2. Last Phone Call → Wife.
3. Last thing you did-made a$$ kicking burgers for dinner
4. Last Song You Listened To → This Is Me You're Talking To
5. Last Time You Cried → watching a TV program the other day
6. Last Text Message → Wife
FIVE HAVE YOU EVER:
7. Dated Someone Twice → Not exactly
8. Been Cheated On? → Yes
9. Kissed Someone & Regretted It? → Yes
10. Lost Someone Special?→ hell ya
11. Been Depressed? → yup
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. purple
13. blue
14. red (humnnn)
THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
15. Made A New Friend → Yes.
16. Laughed Until You Cried → YES.
17. Met Someone Who Changed Your Life → Yes
18. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were → Yes
19. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You →Yes
20. Have You Kissed Anyone On Your Friend's List → No one other than my wife
21. How Many People On Your Friends List Do You Know In Real Life → I think all of them
22. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have → I'm 40...like Grammie, stop dreaming
23. Do You Have Any Pets →let me count the menagerie
24. Do You Want To Change Your Name →have always wanted to
25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday →Turned another year older!
26. What Time Did You Wake Up Today → 1:37am, 3am...then 6am
27. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night → Sleeping.
28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For → a sister to return for a visit
29. Last Time You Saw Your Father →2005
30. Whats One Thing You Wish You Could Change → hatred
31. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom → yes, but many years ago
32. What's Getting On Your Nerves Right Now → my right hip
33. Most Visited Webpage →gmail
34. Whats Your Real Name → ThirdGen...what'd you think it was?
35. Nicknames →T and others I won't share.
36. Status → very married
37. Zodiac Sign → Leo
38. Male Or Female → Female.
39. Elementary →MHS
40. Middle School → SPJrHi and the high school I graduated from
41. High School →WSfG
42. Hair Color → Red, red, red, or as the hairdresser said the other day, apricot
43. Long Or Short → short
44. Are You A Health Freak? Not exactly, but I am conscious of my health
45. Height → mid 5's
46. What Do You Like About Yourself →my brain, my humor
47. Piercings → Ears
48. Tattoos → nope
49. Righty Or Lefty →both
FIRSTS :
50. First Surgery → that I know of, my first knee in 1978
51. First Piercing → Ears.
52. First Sport You Joined → uhm...think it was softball, but can't remember what I joined first.
53. First Pet → Elmer Otis, E.O, the cat with no tail.
54. First Vacation → the cabin
55. First Concert →Melissa Manchester--I won the tickets!
56. First Crush → Julie Andrews--first? still!
CURRENTLY :
57. Eating → nothing
58. Drinking → water!
59. I'm About To → consult with the wife about something we need to purchase
60. Listening To → music?
YOUR FUTURE :
61. Want To Get Married? →oh G-d, not again!
62. Careers In Mind? → doing it
HAVE YOU EVER :
63. Kissed A Stranger → NO.
64. Drank Hard Liquor → Yup
65. Lost Glasses/Contacts →yup
66. Ran Away From Home →yup
67. Broken Someone's Heart → yup
68. Been Arrested → nope
69. Turned Someone Down → yes
70. Cried When Someone Died → YES.
71. Liked A Guy/Girl Friend → Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
72. Yourself → Sometimes.
73. Miracles → sometimes
74. Love At First Sight →yes
75. Santa Claus → uhm, not exactly my cup of tea
76. Forgiveness → forgive, yes, forget, no
77. Sex without emotional attachment → I was never good at that
DO YOU:
78. Screen your calls → better question is---do I actually answer my phone? Not often, I really dislike the phone in many, many ways
79. Lose your temper → now where DID I leave my temper?
80. Ask for directions when lost → I don't need to. Between Google Maps, GPS and Google Maps for my phone there are few places I cannot find. And
then there IS the little matter of my magnetic nose...I can get myself out of a dark paper bag without directions.
81. Like chocolate → there is another flavor?
82. Want to live forever → G-d no!
83. Have a great spouse → yup
84. Have any siblings → not by birth
85. Have any crowns or bridges → yup
86. Talk to your parents → my mother I have continued to talk to ever since she died 15 years ago, my father is a harder nut to crack
87. Want to run a marathon → No, I was a jock for years, my body reminds me of that fact every single day
88. Have any artificial limbs → Nope, but my hip is beginning to make me wonder if I'm getting a hip replacement sooner than later
89. Own a home → nope
90. Know your social security number by heart → yup
91. Know how to cook → yup, despite my mother banning anyone from her kitchen, I have managed to learn
92. Know how to do your own laundry → yup, since age 10 when my mother threw a conniption fit and made us do our own
93. Know how to tie a knot → some knots, yes
94. Know a language other than your original → several, but I'm dyslexic in most of them
95. Drink coffee every morning → nope
96. Have a good vein in one or both arms → I have one really good one still in my left arm
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
97. Is There One Person You Want To Be With Right Now? → ya
98. Had More Than One Boyfriend/Girlfriend At One Time? →Yup, both
99. Had enough of answering these questions → yup
100. Posting This As 100 Truths → Fine
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me.
.
.
.
100 things...as if I've not answered most of these before, but, what the heck. I don't really want to post about the hatred that happened at the Holocaust Museum in DC this morning. I have some medical stuff to post about, but am not up to really sharing about that. So, my inbox provides the fodder for this evening.
100 Things, give or take...
1. Last Beverage → water.
2. Last Phone Call → Wife.
3. Last thing you did-made a$$ kicking burgers for dinner
4. Last Song You Listened To → This Is Me You're Talking To
5. Last Time You Cried → watching a TV program the other day
6. Last Text Message → Wife
FIVE HAVE YOU EVER:
7. Dated Someone Twice → Not exactly
8. Been Cheated On? → Yes
9. Kissed Someone & Regretted It? → Yes
10. Lost Someone Special?→ hell ya
11. Been Depressed? → yup
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. purple
13. blue
14. red (humnnn)
THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
15. Made A New Friend → Yes.
16. Laughed Until You Cried → YES.
17. Met Someone Who Changed Your Life → Yes
18. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were → Yes
19. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You →Yes
20. Have You Kissed Anyone On Your Friend's List → No one other than my wife
21. How Many People On Your Friends List Do You Know In Real Life → I think all of them
22. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have → I'm 40...like Grammie, stop dreaming
23. Do You Have Any Pets →let me count the menagerie
24. Do You Want To Change Your Name →have always wanted to
25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday →Turned another year older!
26. What Time Did You Wake Up Today → 1:37am, 3am...then 6am
27. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night → Sleeping.
28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For → a sister to return for a visit
29. Last Time You Saw Your Father →2005
30. Whats One Thing You Wish You Could Change → hatred
31. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom → yes, but many years ago
32. What's Getting On Your Nerves Right Now → my right hip
33. Most Visited Webpage →gmail
34. Whats Your Real Name → ThirdGen...what'd you think it was?
35. Nicknames →T and others I won't share.
36. Status → very married
37. Zodiac Sign → Leo
38. Male Or Female → Female.
39. Elementary →MHS
40. Middle School → SPJrHi and the high school I graduated from
41. High School →WSfG
42. Hair Color → Red, red, red, or as the hairdresser said the other day, apricot
43. Long Or Short → short
44. Are You A Health Freak? Not exactly, but I am conscious of my health
45. Height → mid 5's
46. What Do You Like About Yourself →my brain, my humor
47. Piercings → Ears
48. Tattoos → nope
49. Righty Or Lefty →both
FIRSTS :
50. First Surgery → that I know of, my first knee in 1978
51. First Piercing → Ears.
52. First Sport You Joined → uhm...think it was softball, but can't remember what I joined first.
53. First Pet → Elmer Otis, E.O, the cat with no tail.
54. First Vacation → the cabin
55. First Concert →Melissa Manchester--I won the tickets!
56. First Crush → Julie Andrews--first? still!
CURRENTLY :
57. Eating → nothing
58. Drinking → water!
59. I'm About To → consult with the wife about something we need to purchase
60. Listening To → music?
YOUR FUTURE :
61. Want To Get Married? →oh G-d, not again!
62. Careers In Mind? → doing it
HAVE YOU EVER :
63. Kissed A Stranger → NO.
64. Drank Hard Liquor → Yup
65. Lost Glasses/Contacts →yup
66. Ran Away From Home →yup
67. Broken Someone's Heart → yup
68. Been Arrested → nope
69. Turned Someone Down → yes
70. Cried When Someone Died → YES.
71. Liked A Guy/Girl Friend → Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
72. Yourself → Sometimes.
73. Miracles → sometimes
74. Love At First Sight →yes
75. Santa Claus → uhm, not exactly my cup of tea
76. Forgiveness → forgive, yes, forget, no
77. Sex without emotional attachment → I was never good at that
DO YOU:
78. Screen your calls → better question is---do I actually answer my phone? Not often, I really dislike the phone in many, many ways
79. Lose your temper → now where DID I leave my temper?
80. Ask for directions when lost → I don't need to. Between Google Maps, GPS and Google Maps for my phone there are few places I cannot find. And
then there IS the little matter of my magnetic nose...I can get myself out of a dark paper bag without directions.
81. Like chocolate → there is another flavor?
82. Want to live forever → G-d no!
83. Have a great spouse → yup
84. Have any siblings → not by birth
85. Have any crowns or bridges → yup
86. Talk to your parents → my mother I have continued to talk to ever since she died 15 years ago, my father is a harder nut to crack
87. Want to run a marathon → No, I was a jock for years, my body reminds me of that fact every single day
88. Have any artificial limbs → Nope, but my hip is beginning to make me wonder if I'm getting a hip replacement sooner than later
89. Own a home → nope
90. Know your social security number by heart → yup
91. Know how to cook → yup, despite my mother banning anyone from her kitchen, I have managed to learn
92. Know how to do your own laundry → yup, since age 10 when my mother threw a conniption fit and made us do our own
93. Know how to tie a knot → some knots, yes
94. Know a language other than your original → several, but I'm dyslexic in most of them
95. Drink coffee every morning → nope
96. Have a good vein in one or both arms → I have one really good one still in my left arm
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
97. Is There One Person You Want To Be With Right Now? → ya
98. Had More Than One Boyfriend/Girlfriend At One Time? →Yup, both
99. Had enough of answering these questions → yup
100. Posting This As 100 Truths → Fine
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me.
.
.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Four Years Ago
.
.
Four years ago this evening, I received a phone call on my cell that was being held together with duct tape and some wire. No, I am not kidding you. Our contract was up in a week or so and all I had to do was keep that phone together until we could replace it. When the phone rang, I had a funny feeling. I knew I had to be careful holding the phone or it would disconnect and possibly fall apart in my hands, but that was not the entire odd feeling as the phone buzzed in my hand.
The area code was familiar. My brain searched back in my mind and realized to whom the number belonged. A number I had not seen in years.
I grabbed my phone and ran outside. We were having dinner with some friends. A last supper of sorts. He was dying of the same disease my mother died of more than 11 years previous. We were spending some time with them before the house exploded in family, surrounding him in his death process. I knew the call I was receiving could not be good news and the folks inside the house certainly didn't need to hear my end of the conversation.
It was my aunt on the line. She married into the family when I was a teenager. I always liked her because she was shorter than I was and seemed to have a level head on her shoulders---something those of us with the family genes didn't always have. She had plenty of other redeeming qualities, but I worried less about those things---her genial way and short stature helped win my heart.
My aunt asked how I was doing. I explained our situation, waiting for a friends husband to pass away. S, the ever truthful one said something to the effect of "well, then what I have to say won't make today any better!".
My maternal grandmother was dead.
It was a bit of a shock because no one let me know she was ill previous to her death. Little did I know how little the family was sharing with me about a number of things.
I have a number of fond memories about my Grammie. She would often pick me up from school on Mondays and take me to 31 Flavors for Pralines and Cream. When we would pull up to the house, she would say "Home again, home again, jiggity jig". We would make forts out of the couch cushions while we waited for one of my folks to get home. We played Old Maid, Chutes and Ladders and Market, among other games. It was not until I was older that I understood she was trained to be an RN and what that meant. I also did not understand until later that she never really put that education to work because my grandfather would not allow his wife to work. No questions, even in lean years of beans and weenies for dinner. I can't speak to her life before I was born, but I suspect she never missed being an RN in trade for being a Grammie. By the time I came around she would have been retired and most of the time, she enjoyed having me around. I remember her laugh; her "oh T dear!" when I punned her or fooled her a little; or the crooked smile she would get when she didn't quite know how to express the truth about something. Despite her desire to be fairly plain, she was vain at times. She made up her face when she went out "just to the store", she took care of her hair "because we always want to look our best". Grammie tried her best to fix me up, to her last days, with "a nice young man". Despite having met J, she STILL tried to fix me up with guys. Every, single guy---played for the same team I do, but on the opposite side of the fence. Grammie had a knack for finding them, here at home and even in England. She wanted me to be happy, she just didn't understand why I "didn't just get married and do whatever I needed to with someone else". That was the norm of her time, not mine. I just wish I could have her knack for cooking---I keep trying and some day, I hope to have her style in the kitchen.
Here is my Grammie on her wedding day. Flanked by a woman who became her sister-in-law and another woman who stayed friends with her until her death---decades of friendship ahead of them among the three. I miss them all.
.
.
.
Four years ago this evening, I received a phone call on my cell that was being held together with duct tape and some wire. No, I am not kidding you. Our contract was up in a week or so and all I had to do was keep that phone together until we could replace it. When the phone rang, I had a funny feeling. I knew I had to be careful holding the phone or it would disconnect and possibly fall apart in my hands, but that was not the entire odd feeling as the phone buzzed in my hand.
The area code was familiar. My brain searched back in my mind and realized to whom the number belonged. A number I had not seen in years.
I grabbed my phone and ran outside. We were having dinner with some friends. A last supper of sorts. He was dying of the same disease my mother died of more than 11 years previous. We were spending some time with them before the house exploded in family, surrounding him in his death process. I knew the call I was receiving could not be good news and the folks inside the house certainly didn't need to hear my end of the conversation.
It was my aunt on the line. She married into the family when I was a teenager. I always liked her because she was shorter than I was and seemed to have a level head on her shoulders---something those of us with the family genes didn't always have. She had plenty of other redeeming qualities, but I worried less about those things---her genial way and short stature helped win my heart.
My aunt asked how I was doing. I explained our situation, waiting for a friends husband to pass away. S, the ever truthful one said something to the effect of "well, then what I have to say won't make today any better!".
My maternal grandmother was dead.
It was a bit of a shock because no one let me know she was ill previous to her death. Little did I know how little the family was sharing with me about a number of things.
I have a number of fond memories about my Grammie. She would often pick me up from school on Mondays and take me to 31 Flavors for Pralines and Cream. When we would pull up to the house, she would say "Home again, home again, jiggity jig". We would make forts out of the couch cushions while we waited for one of my folks to get home. We played Old Maid, Chutes and Ladders and Market, among other games. It was not until I was older that I understood she was trained to be an RN and what that meant. I also did not understand until later that she never really put that education to work because my grandfather would not allow his wife to work. No questions, even in lean years of beans and weenies for dinner. I can't speak to her life before I was born, but I suspect she never missed being an RN in trade for being a Grammie. By the time I came around she would have been retired and most of the time, she enjoyed having me around. I remember her laugh; her "oh T dear!" when I punned her or fooled her a little; or the crooked smile she would get when she didn't quite know how to express the truth about something. Despite her desire to be fairly plain, she was vain at times. She made up her face when she went out "just to the store", she took care of her hair "because we always want to look our best". Grammie tried her best to fix me up, to her last days, with "a nice young man". Despite having met J, she STILL tried to fix me up with guys. Every, single guy---played for the same team I do, but on the opposite side of the fence. Grammie had a knack for finding them, here at home and even in England. She wanted me to be happy, she just didn't understand why I "didn't just get married and do whatever I needed to with someone else". That was the norm of her time, not mine. I just wish I could have her knack for cooking---I keep trying and some day, I hope to have her style in the kitchen.
Here is my Grammie on her wedding day. Flanked by a woman who became her sister-in-law and another woman who stayed friends with her until her death---decades of friendship ahead of them among the three. I miss them all.
.
.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Love Letter To Cancer
.
.
Occasionally I will post links to other pages and information. Even though this blog is about me, sometimes others ideas and observations are appropriate.
I read a number of blogs. Some of them are cancer related. Some are not. This melting pot of friends produces an interesting mix of reading material.
As I loaded one friends blog today, his message was a link to another blog. I clicked through and read what I came upon. It is a message I have conveyed in various forms here.
I'm providing a link, but also including the text, because blogs come and go, if the text goes away, I want it to remain here as long as I have my blog.
The blog is ..cancer can bite me.. a journey of recovery.
The blog posting is A Love Letter to Cancer
text of the letter is below:
===BOF===
Dear Cancer,
There are so many things that I want to say to you, so many that I need to say. You have come into my life and altered it in the radical way that only those closest to a person can manage. You have forced me to reevaluate my life, my priorities, and my emotions. You have made me more self-aware; and for that, I thank you.
You have brought my family closer together. For many years now, we have been treading water; we have let the disagreements and ideological differences become the unspoken walls between us. We have let these walls close us off from each other and from the tapestries of blood and time that will always unite us. Yet, with a single word, a single appearance, you have ground those walls to dust. There is a closeness, a reunion, that was wholly unexpected – and perhaps, on some level, feared – because of the honesty that it will force upon each of us. However, I now see us embracing that honesty, consequences and discomfort be damned. Life, as you have shown us so powerfully, is too short for anything but truth. So, Cancer, for giving me my family back, I thank you.
You have shown me that it is acceptable to rely on others, that I am permitted to be weak in my own way and at my own time. You have given me the strength to depend upon those I love, and because I have finally taken that step, you have unlocked the door to show me what real love is. I can see it so much more clearly than I ever could before. You have given me the love of my life, and you have taught me to revel in her strength. For teaching me these early lessons in those parts of love I have always overlooked, I thank you.
You have shown me how many true friends I have. Over the past month, I have been awed and humbled by the amount of love and support that I have received from friends I have never even met. My relationships with those I have met have deepened, have sweetened, have strengthened into unbreakable bonds. I have seen parts of my friends that otherwise would have remained hidden until the next time of crisis. I have been overwhelmed by generosity and concern and kindness, and for this, I thank you.
You have strengthened my resolve and my commitment. You have honed my curiosity and my creativity. You have given me a very special set of tools; for these tools, I thank you.
With these tools, Cancer, I will defeat you. The love, the creativity, the concern, the generosity, the resolve – I will ride them as a tide of healing against you. I have a purpose that I will not abandon. I have been the most fortunate recipient of such generosity that I will not abandon. I will bring the love of hundreds and thousands against you. And you will lose. You will fail. You will not claim me.
For all these things, and for the gifts you have yet to bring to my life, I thank you. Yet I warn you, the more to attempt to tighten your grip on my life, the more easily I will best you. My life is mine; it is not yours. Nor will it ever be.
Farewell, Cancer. I will be free of you, and, though I will bathe in the echoes of your passing for many years to come, you will not be missed.
Namaste.
===EOF===
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
.
Occasionally I will post links to other pages and information. Even though this blog is about me, sometimes others ideas and observations are appropriate.
I read a number of blogs. Some of them are cancer related. Some are not. This melting pot of friends produces an interesting mix of reading material.
As I loaded one friends blog today, his message was a link to another blog. I clicked through and read what I came upon. It is a message I have conveyed in various forms here.
I'm providing a link, but also including the text, because blogs come and go, if the text goes away, I want it to remain here as long as I have my blog.
The blog is ..cancer can bite me.. a journey of recovery.
The blog posting is A Love Letter to Cancer
text of the letter is below:
===BOF===
Dear Cancer,
There are so many things that I want to say to you, so many that I need to say. You have come into my life and altered it in the radical way that only those closest to a person can manage. You have forced me to reevaluate my life, my priorities, and my emotions. You have made me more self-aware; and for that, I thank you.
You have brought my family closer together. For many years now, we have been treading water; we have let the disagreements and ideological differences become the unspoken walls between us. We have let these walls close us off from each other and from the tapestries of blood and time that will always unite us. Yet, with a single word, a single appearance, you have ground those walls to dust. There is a closeness, a reunion, that was wholly unexpected – and perhaps, on some level, feared – because of the honesty that it will force upon each of us. However, I now see us embracing that honesty, consequences and discomfort be damned. Life, as you have shown us so powerfully, is too short for anything but truth. So, Cancer, for giving me my family back, I thank you.
You have shown me that it is acceptable to rely on others, that I am permitted to be weak in my own way and at my own time. You have given me the strength to depend upon those I love, and because I have finally taken that step, you have unlocked the door to show me what real love is. I can see it so much more clearly than I ever could before. You have given me the love of my life, and you have taught me to revel in her strength. For teaching me these early lessons in those parts of love I have always overlooked, I thank you.
You have shown me how many true friends I have. Over the past month, I have been awed and humbled by the amount of love and support that I have received from friends I have never even met. My relationships with those I have met have deepened, have sweetened, have strengthened into unbreakable bonds. I have seen parts of my friends that otherwise would have remained hidden until the next time of crisis. I have been overwhelmed by generosity and concern and kindness, and for this, I thank you.
You have strengthened my resolve and my commitment. You have honed my curiosity and my creativity. You have given me a very special set of tools; for these tools, I thank you.
With these tools, Cancer, I will defeat you. The love, the creativity, the concern, the generosity, the resolve – I will ride them as a tide of healing against you. I have a purpose that I will not abandon. I have been the most fortunate recipient of such generosity that I will not abandon. I will bring the love of hundreds and thousands against you. And you will lose. You will fail. You will not claim me.
For all these things, and for the gifts you have yet to bring to my life, I thank you. Yet I warn you, the more to attempt to tighten your grip on my life, the more easily I will best you. My life is mine; it is not yours. Nor will it ever be.
Farewell, Cancer. I will be free of you, and, though I will bathe in the echoes of your passing for many years to come, you will not be missed.
Namaste.
===EOF===
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Remiss?
.
.
I've been somewhat remiss in posting of late. Those that know what is going on, understand. Those that don't...well, perhaps you've wandered a bit far off---with the exception of the one person I was talking to Thursday night where we didn't get a chance to finish our discussion---too many people around.
I do want to ask that you keep our friend Leo in your hearts and prayers. Yes, gasp, that's a real name here. He is in hospital and needs all the prayers you can send his way.
I'm posting a meme for now that a friend sent along while I try to keep Leo's pup and house in order while doctors and family try to take care of him thousands of miles from home.
What's the best summer job you ever had?
A pothole filler for the City of Pasadena. It may sound odd, but it WAS the best job. Why? Because of how it happened, or more to the point, not.
My grandfather consulted for the City and I gather he wanted me to go through the process of applying for a job and interviewing. I went through the agonizing process of applying for a city job. Interviewed with a group of something like 8 or 10 people sitting at a long table. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. I heard nothing. I applied for other jobs and finally obtained one elsewhere. Once I was back at school, a postcard arrived in the mail. I was "hired" for my summer job, as a pothole filling supervisor for the City, starting on 16 October. No, I'm not kidding. I respectfully declined the job and asked if perhaps they were pre-hiring for the NEXT summer. They said no. Oh well!
Tell me about the worst date you ever went on.
I have to pick ONE? Well, one with R. We were fixed up by a work friend. I was still giving the whole str8 thing a college try. We went out. We got along okay, but seriously, I'm not sure he had an orientation of any kind. At the end of the date he shook my hand. I can't even begin to explain how uncomfortable the date was, nevermind his interpersonal skills were completely lacking. I used all my cotillion skills, all the "charm school class" skills I had learned. Nuttin. OMG!
Only to be outdone by every guy my mother or maternal grandmother tried to set me up with---EVERY, SINGLE, ONE OF THEM WAS GAY. Seriously. Mom and Grammie had a knack for it. Grammie never understood it. Mom laughed loudly when I explained that to her.
What's the best museum you've ever visited?
Norton Simon. No ifs, ands or buts.
How old were you when you learned to tie your shoes?
We're still waiting on that one. In kindergarten I had to take home "the practice shoe". I tried. I tried. I continued to try. I still try. Which is why I tend to slip off my shoes rather than untie them. MUCH easier for me. This is also, one of those signs one looks for when one is wondering if a child is dyslexic. bingo!
If your birthday could be in a different month of the year, when would you have it?
I wouldn't change it. No other month has NO holidays. Growing up I thought my birthday WAS the holiday of the month!
What spot in your body would you say is the center of your emotional being?
My heart, which in turn, implies my brain. I think a lot. If you wound me with your words or actions, my heart breaks and my mind tries to fix it. I stay within my brain, protecting my heart. People rarely have a clue as to how much I feel, let alone how my heart feels. I learned years ago not to share some feelings for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is if someone doesn't hear you utter the words, the possibility of them hurting you diminishes greatly, usually.
Yes, those of you who understand the above realize that points to spectrum issues. bingo!
Which also explains why if I'm hurting, I can't look at someone in the eye. I feel too much, or so some folks have said.
If you won the Lotto tonight, what would you do first?
First, jump up and down and do something akin to yodeling. Second, confirm we won. Third, ask the wife which house she'd like to buy. Fourth, call our Realtor and after she passed out, explain the situation and assure her we'll still take care of her pup for her. Fifth, figure out whom else to help in the community---this *would* be first, but housing is our first priority right now, then we'd be able to take care of others. Sixth, talk to a few friends whom we KNOW need a little help and provide it.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
.
I've been somewhat remiss in posting of late. Those that know what is going on, understand. Those that don't...well, perhaps you've wandered a bit far off---with the exception of the one person I was talking to Thursday night where we didn't get a chance to finish our discussion---too many people around.
I do want to ask that you keep our friend Leo in your hearts and prayers. Yes, gasp, that's a real name here. He is in hospital and needs all the prayers you can send his way.
I'm posting a meme for now that a friend sent along while I try to keep Leo's pup and house in order while doctors and family try to take care of him thousands of miles from home.
What's the best summer job you ever had?
A pothole filler for the City of Pasadena. It may sound odd, but it WAS the best job. Why? Because of how it happened, or more to the point, not.
My grandfather consulted for the City and I gather he wanted me to go through the process of applying for a job and interviewing. I went through the agonizing process of applying for a city job. Interviewed with a group of something like 8 or 10 people sitting at a long table. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. I heard nothing. I applied for other jobs and finally obtained one elsewhere. Once I was back at school, a postcard arrived in the mail. I was "hired" for my summer job, as a pothole filling supervisor for the City, starting on 16 October. No, I'm not kidding. I respectfully declined the job and asked if perhaps they were pre-hiring for the NEXT summer. They said no. Oh well!
Tell me about the worst date you ever went on.
I have to pick ONE? Well, one with R. We were fixed up by a work friend. I was still giving the whole str8 thing a college try. We went out. We got along okay, but seriously, I'm not sure he had an orientation of any kind. At the end of the date he shook my hand. I can't even begin to explain how uncomfortable the date was, nevermind his interpersonal skills were completely lacking. I used all my cotillion skills, all the "charm school class" skills I had learned. Nuttin. OMG!
Only to be outdone by every guy my mother or maternal grandmother tried to set me up with---EVERY, SINGLE, ONE OF THEM WAS GAY. Seriously. Mom and Grammie had a knack for it. Grammie never understood it. Mom laughed loudly when I explained that to her.
What's the best museum you've ever visited?
Norton Simon. No ifs, ands or buts.
How old were you when you learned to tie your shoes?
We're still waiting on that one. In kindergarten I had to take home "the practice shoe". I tried. I tried. I continued to try. I still try. Which is why I tend to slip off my shoes rather than untie them. MUCH easier for me. This is also, one of those signs one looks for when one is wondering if a child is dyslexic. bingo!
If your birthday could be in a different month of the year, when would you have it?
I wouldn't change it. No other month has NO holidays. Growing up I thought my birthday WAS the holiday of the month!
What spot in your body would you say is the center of your emotional being?
My heart, which in turn, implies my brain. I think a lot. If you wound me with your words or actions, my heart breaks and my mind tries to fix it. I stay within my brain, protecting my heart. People rarely have a clue as to how much I feel, let alone how my heart feels. I learned years ago not to share some feelings for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is if someone doesn't hear you utter the words, the possibility of them hurting you diminishes greatly, usually.
Yes, those of you who understand the above realize that points to spectrum issues. bingo!
Which also explains why if I'm hurting, I can't look at someone in the eye. I feel too much, or so some folks have said.
If you won the Lotto tonight, what would you do first?
First, jump up and down and do something akin to yodeling. Second, confirm we won. Third, ask the wife which house she'd like to buy. Fourth, call our Realtor and after she passed out, explain the situation and assure her we'll still take care of her pup for her. Fifth, figure out whom else to help in the community---this *would* be first, but housing is our first priority right now, then we'd be able to take care of others. Sixth, talk to a few friends whom we KNOW need a little help and provide it.
I have melanoma, it does NOT have me!
.
.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
One thumb up, One thumb down.
.
.
Still legally married in CA.
But the court has created several tiers of people of this state. Apparently, marriage for persons of the same gender WAS legal for part of last year. Now, it is not. Explain THAT one to the children...well, Billy, *I* am legally married to my wife, but no, our friend James cannot marry the man he loves because...well, let's see, the court has said no. Oh, no Billy, our *other* friends, Dan and Debbie CAN get married any time they want. Why? The court, again says that IS okay. No, don't ask me to explain, I can't.
When I was in grade school, I was taught the branches of our government worked together to protect the citizens. To do the right thing. I wonder if the six justices who voted for Prop 8 today would be willing to require an alteration to those school books. To explain what exactly it is the justices do FOR the citizens of this state? To explain why they seemingly have legislated discrimination and how that is good for ALL the citizens.
I have no problem with the will of the people of this state being proper. Many "wrongs" have been "righted" by the will of the people such as Brown vs Board of Education. But this fight came from those outside of California to actively discriminate against some people of California. THAT, I have a problem with. Anymore than the mayor of Los Angeles going to Newberry Springs to tell the town how to run their municipality, churches and organizations from outside of California should not be affecting the law of this state. Yes, that IS how Prop 8 started.
I am happy the piece of paper stating my wife and I are still legally married is still valid. But as with Election Night 2008, I am elated but so VERY disappointed at the discrimination and hatred that has won out. I am happy to have spent the evening marching with thousands of others downtown. My feet hurt. My voice is sore from protest chants. My hand is sore from holding my wife's hand all night out in public---a GOOD problem to have. My heart hurts from this latest discrimination.
I am disappointed. I am angry. I am hopeful that in my lifetime such hatred will be looked upon as distasteful as the reasons leading up to Brown vs Board. I suspect those supporting hatred have no idea what sort of hornets nest they have stirred up. Never forget history---Stonewall was apparently long enough ago that some folks have forgotten what this community can do when we get together.
I have melanoma, neither it, nor hatred has me.
.
.
Still legally married in CA.
But the court has created several tiers of people of this state. Apparently, marriage for persons of the same gender WAS legal for part of last year. Now, it is not. Explain THAT one to the children...well, Billy, *I* am legally married to my wife, but no, our friend James cannot marry the man he loves because...well, let's see, the court has said no. Oh, no Billy, our *other* friends, Dan and Debbie CAN get married any time they want. Why? The court, again says that IS okay. No, don't ask me to explain, I can't.
When I was in grade school, I was taught the branches of our government worked together to protect the citizens. To do the right thing. I wonder if the six justices who voted for Prop 8 today would be willing to require an alteration to those school books. To explain what exactly it is the justices do FOR the citizens of this state? To explain why they seemingly have legislated discrimination and how that is good for ALL the citizens.
I have no problem with the will of the people of this state being proper. Many "wrongs" have been "righted" by the will of the people such as Brown vs Board of Education. But this fight came from those outside of California to actively discriminate against some people of California. THAT, I have a problem with. Anymore than the mayor of Los Angeles going to Newberry Springs to tell the town how to run their municipality, churches and organizations from outside of California should not be affecting the law of this state. Yes, that IS how Prop 8 started.
I am happy the piece of paper stating my wife and I are still legally married is still valid. But as with Election Night 2008, I am elated but so VERY disappointed at the discrimination and hatred that has won out. I am happy to have spent the evening marching with thousands of others downtown. My feet hurt. My voice is sore from protest chants. My hand is sore from holding my wife's hand all night out in public---a GOOD problem to have. My heart hurts from this latest discrimination.
I am disappointed. I am angry. I am hopeful that in my lifetime such hatred will be looked upon as distasteful as the reasons leading up to Brown vs Board. I suspect those supporting hatred have no idea what sort of hornets nest they have stirred up. Never forget history---Stonewall was apparently long enough ago that some folks have forgotten what this community can do when we get together.
I have melanoma, neither it, nor hatred has me.
.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Two Things
.
.
Sent from a friend. Short but sweet.
JUST 2 THINGS
Two names you are called that are not your real name:
1. T
2. Hot
Two things you're wearing now:
1. Wedding Ring
2. Clothes
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Cook
2. Spend time with friends
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Vacation
2. Own a home
Two things you did yesterday:
1. Walked the dog
2. Worked
Two things you ate/drank yesterday:
1. Mashed Potatoes with gravy
2. Water
Two people you last talked to:
1. The wife
2. R from my class
Two things you are doing tomorrow:
1. Taking meds
2. Services
Two favorite holidays:
1. Passover---it's non-dairy generally
2. Rosh Hashanna
Two favorite drinks:
1. Water
2. Whiskey
Two people no longer alive that you'd like to talk to:
1. Mom
2. My uncle Bob
.
.
Sent from a friend. Short but sweet.
JUST 2 THINGS
Two names you are called that are not your real name:
1. T
2. Hot
Two things you're wearing now:
1. Wedding Ring
2. Clothes
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. Cook
2. Spend time with friends
Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. Vacation
2. Own a home
Two things you did yesterday:
1. Walked the dog
2. Worked
Two things you ate/drank yesterday:
1. Mashed Potatoes with gravy
2. Water
Two people you last talked to:
1. The wife
2. R from my class
Two things you are doing tomorrow:
1. Taking meds
2. Services
Two favorite holidays:
1. Passover---it's non-dairy generally
2. Rosh Hashanna
Two favorite drinks:
1. Water
2. Whiskey
Two people no longer alive that you'd like to talk to:
1. Mom
2. My uncle Bob
.
Friday, May 15, 2009
the second glance
.
.
the second glance, from Nic Askew on Vimeo, featuring David Roche.
Watch it. Pay attention. Listen.
Something I have long talked about---beauty is what is inside. Judging someone by what is on the outside is a grave disservice, no matter if they look like a super model or not. Beauty is what a person is, not how you react to them; but how you react can be very ugly and damaging, even if you think you're doing "the right thing".
I talked to a friend of a friend once. She was sure that all of her little flaws made her unlikable. I tried to explain to her that she was beautiful in so many ways. She could not see the beauty, nor hear my comments. She then deflected, trying to put the onus on me---that somehow, my comments were sexually based and that in the dark, of course I'd want her. What she could not grasp was that the beauty I saw had nothing to do with sight and everything to do with seeing the woman within. Despite her self esteem issues, she was very beautiful. A caring, compassionate and loving woman who would go out of her way to help someone in need. An intelligence that surpassed any flaws one might have seen in her external armor. Those things were more appealing to me than any visual picture I could garner with my hazel eyes. But she could not see what was right in front of her.
Sometimes, it is the obvious that one misses completely without being given a lesson on life by some of the simplest things.
.
.
.
the second glance, from Nic Askew on Vimeo, featuring David Roche.
Watch it. Pay attention. Listen.
Something I have long talked about---beauty is what is inside. Judging someone by what is on the outside is a grave disservice, no matter if they look like a super model or not. Beauty is what a person is, not how you react to them; but how you react can be very ugly and damaging, even if you think you're doing "the right thing".
I talked to a friend of a friend once. She was sure that all of her little flaws made her unlikable. I tried to explain to her that she was beautiful in so many ways. She could not see the beauty, nor hear my comments. She then deflected, trying to put the onus on me---that somehow, my comments were sexually based and that in the dark, of course I'd want her. What she could not grasp was that the beauty I saw had nothing to do with sight and everything to do with seeing the woman within. Despite her self esteem issues, she was very beautiful. A caring, compassionate and loving woman who would go out of her way to help someone in need. An intelligence that surpassed any flaws one might have seen in her external armor. Those things were more appealing to me than any visual picture I could garner with my hazel eyes. But she could not see what was right in front of her.
Sometimes, it is the obvious that one misses completely without being given a lesson on life by some of the simplest things.
'the second glance' from Nic Askew on Vimeo.
.
.
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